Faceless Prey

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Faceless Prey
Topic Started: Aug 10 2007, 07:30 PM (135 Views)
Morgan	Aug 10 2007, 07:30 PM Post #1
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	Damn, what's with all the religious-based pieces lately? lol Anyway, just wrote this a few minutes ago, I couldn't really decide on whether to call this "Faceless Prey" or "The Faceless Man"...I'd like your input on that if you'd be so kind. I am a mask on faceless men I am a light that only shines on the forgiven I am a name both whispered and screamed But never sung out in between I am the soul of every being I am the chosen one I will forgive you in your rapture For I am the chosen one In me, you will find comfort In me, you will find hope In me, you will find love For me, you will blindly grope I am a mask on faceless men I am a shield that hides the forbidden I am guilty by your association I am the road from temptation I am the soul of every being I am the chosen one I will forgive you in my rapture For I am the chosen son I am a victim of your lies.
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


ana	Aug 12 2007, 12:42 PM Post #2
eskizo Posts: 5,752 Group: Staff Member #27 Joined: June 29, 2006 Gender: Female Name: Ana Location: Madrid	hmm, i don't think i'm getting the full extent of what you're saying here - i guess i'm not in the proper mood to fully understand it right now -, but as for your writing, i must say the repetitions throughout the piece work way better than i thought when seeing it at first. also, i totally love the third and fourth lines, they're ace. i like how you've kept it relatively simple, not overdoing wording and such. it's pretty good overall. personally, i like "faceless prey" better than "the faceless man", it works better as a title.
	I'M SPAINISH! *I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!*


Morgan	Aug 12 2007, 01:11 PM Post #3
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	Wow really? I thought I was almost a little too conspicuous with this piece. It's about Jesus and how he's portrayed in modern society.
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


ana	Aug 12 2007, 10:27 PM Post #4
eskizo Posts: 5,752 Group: Staff Member #27 Joined: June 29, 2006 Gender: Female Name: Ana Location: Madrid	well yeah, i figured out that much, it's the small things i yet have to think about some more - the true meaning, or the effect itself, of individual lines in relation to the piece as a whole, if you know what i mean. dunno, i just don't seem to be too inspired lately when it comes to analyzing literature... i must say, though, that it's definitely not too conspicuous. what you're talking about can sure be understood, but there's still about the right ammount of subtlety to this piece.
	I'M SPAINISH! *I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!*


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