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Atheist Alone
Topic Started: Jul 18 2007, 07:42 PM (128 Views)
Morgan Jul 18 2007, 07:42 PM Post #1
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Dinkin' flicka.

 C'mon now people, you can post pieces too :rolleyes:


I was walking down the road, recurrently praying for enlightenment
When I met an old wise man as I was going around a bend
And though I didn't say a word, the man picked up on my wish
And he said, "Son, if you're going to repeat a mantra, it might as well be this:

'There is no God.'"

Not stopping, I kept walking while pondering this thought
And a bird dropped in my path a worm that it had caught
The bird realized it was missing and it double-backed
And asked me "If there was no God, could I say that,

'There is no God.'"

I then concluded that the man didn't offer the answer that I sought
Because surely without the help of God a bird could not talk
But although I felt that the solution was now clear
I could not help the echo from repeating in my ear:

"There is no God."

Later I attended a funeral of a man who had taken his life
Right after he had taken those of his children and wife
And despite these conditions, I was still taken aback when
The priest exclaimed, "If this man goes to heaven, then

there is no God."

Of course these contradictory words were cause for closer inspection
And I realized who he was although he escaped initial detection
I discovered that underneath his robes and his glasses
That the priest was the old man who repeated a mantra such as this:

"There is no God."


I basically just came up with everything on the spot but a few words in the first verse and the repeated phrase. It needs a lot of revision, but I'd like to see what you guys think of it thus far. It can be interpreted it any way your like, it's meant to have multiple meanings. It's also supposed to be a song, and "There is no God" would be repeated multiple times.
If
If you
If you could
If you could only
If you could only stop
If you could only stop your
If you could only stop your heart
If you could only stop your heart beat
If you could only stop your heart beat for
If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart
If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.
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Liberation Jul 27 2007, 05:47 PM Post #2
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LOL WUT?
 It's a very..confusing piece actually. I get the point you're trying to put across, but in some ways, I think it may be just a little too complicated.
IloveAmber<3
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ana Aug 5 2007, 03:25 PM Post #3
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*eskizo*

 wow, this piece is definitely quite something... ^_^

it is indeed a bit complicated, concerning the topic and all, but i like it, cos it's quite well written and the structure you've given it works real well. besides, it is quite something to consider if you think about what you're saying, and i like writing that encourages a bit of thinking - it remind me of the stories around buddha, by the way, that's pretty cool, lol. i'm wondering, though... "athiest"? is that even a word? :P

but yeah, nice one. :cheers:

I'M SPAINISH!

I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!

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