Emulation Dissonance

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Emulation Dissonance; I threw her away.
Topic Started: Jul 3 2007, 06:33 AM (116 Views)
Guitarbreaker	Jul 3 2007, 06:33 AM Post #1
Don't BLINK!!! Posts: 2,368 Group: Members Member #17 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male	The transparent eyes Emerges from the TV Transfigured in dismembered form. It perishes!!! Sighing the end of it's mirth. "Long live the pulsation, Incinerating the mutation." ...A genetic failure. For once! Mans eyes are no longer tempt by it's bribes, and mutations. "Long live the echo of silence Of depleting violence" Yes! The echo is no more The delay is no more. And the mutation forever concealed!!! On a extremely abstract form of "throwing away" a friend who acts to impress, and emulates your own traits.



Morgan	Jul 9 2007, 01:50 PM Post #2
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	Eh, to be honest I don't really like this piece. It's too sporadic and "all over the place." The two little rhyming couplets in the middle of it really doesn't work, it makes them stand out to the point of the blurring the rest of piece so that it's the only thing I remembered when I finished reading it (just the rhyming, not even the content). I also don't like the multiple repetitions of "mutation," is there another word that you could put in its place? I honestly don't even know what to change to improve it, I think it's one of those pieces you should just place aside for a month or two and come back to.
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


ana	Jul 9 2007, 11:43 PM Post #3
eskizo Posts: 5,752 Group: Staff Member #27 Joined: June 29, 2006 Gender: Female Name: Ana Location: Madrid	hmm, i tend to agree with morgan, there's something that doesn't appeal to me about this piece - can't quite grasp what it is, though. i do like some of the wording in it, so it's not a complete disaster or anything. dunno, if i were you i'd take his advice and go back to it in a few weeks' time - and i think i'd elaborate a bit more as well, by the way.
	I'M SPAINISH! *I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!*


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