Incest: One Month From Now Looking Back

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Incest: One Month From Now Looking Back
Topic Started: Oct 30 2006, 12:13 AM (152 Views)
synth	Oct 30 2006, 12:13 AM Post #1
MT's ONLY JENNIFER Posts: 813 Group: Members Member #46 Joined: July 26, 2006	uh.... uh.... uh.... uh.... I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many times I made her moan- I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many illicit days I’ve rove- I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many twigs I’ve left unburned around her- I am not my sister’s son. But I did touch her hard last night- I did fuck her paralysis strong last night. She wakes, And my ring finger aches from too many of my heads down her throat, And my idiosyncrasies wane like a moon giving life through the afterbirth sky, But through each carrot sliver, chaste Italian olive-oil, Day of intricate lighthouse independence, I am not my sister’s son I am not my sister’s son But I did fuck her cycle cockeyed; I fucked fright out And busted her growth-ridden sides. And my scream isn’t as loud as I want her to be, And my tense is rearranging the way I though my own death would be, And I will ride her through the everlasting skepticism out to my salty… I am not my sister’s son. I just fucked her straight. And I still don’t know either of our sir names…
	-Homosexual Jennifer.


Edwardthegreat5	Oct 30 2006, 01:49 AM Post #2
My Avatar is Miniturized! Posts: 120 Group: Members Member #58 Joined: August 21, 2006	I like lemons.
	Pinky&The Brain Brain Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? Pinky Yeah Brain, but if they called them sad meals, kids wouldn't buy them.


Morgan	Oct 30 2006, 04:42 PM Post #3
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	Edwardthegreat5 I like lemons. You're beginning to cross the line between funny and spam... I'll do a full crit of this porno later.
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


Chimaira	Oct 30 2006, 11:11 PM Post #4
Aristocrat Posts: 2,398 Group: Members Member #23 Joined: June 28, 2006	rockon1824 Oct 30 2006, 04:42 PM I'll do a full crit of this porno later. Even though this is amazingly written, it's the dirtiest thing I've ever heard. (You should start writing sex stories.)



Morgan	Oct 31 2006, 06:11 PM Post #5
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	Quote: I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many times I made her moan- I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many illicit days I’ve rove- I am not my sister’s son. And no matter how many twigs I’ve left unburned around her- I am not my sister’s son. But I did touch her hard last night- I did fuck her paralysis strong last night. I'm very confused. You keep repeating "I am not my sister's son". It's rather obvious that that's impossible. I also don't like the repitition of "last night" in the last two lines...maybe try describing it some other way. Quote: She wakes, And my ring finger aches from too many of my heads down her throat, And my idiosyncrasies wane like a moon giving life through the afterbirth sky, But through each carrot sliver, chaste Italian olive-oil, Day of intricate lighthouse independence, I am not my sister’s son I am not my sister’s son But I did fuck her cycle cockeyed; I fucked fright out And busted her growth-ridden sides. The second line doesn't make any sense to me...not even figuratively. The third line doesn't either...idiosyncrasies are habits...so you're saying that somehow weakening habits are like "a moon giving life through the afterbirth sky"? Carrot slivers? The chaste olive oil thing I do get though, pretty funny, although, I still can't sense the relation. The last two lines are just creepy. Quote: And my scream isn’t as loud as I want her to be, And my tense is rearranging the way I though my own death would be, And I will ride her through the everlasting skepticism out to my salty… I am not my sister’s son. I just fucked her straight. And I still don’t know either of our sir names… Second line something needs to be changed, you're trying to use "tense", an adjective, as a noun. Needs to be tension. I'm assuming "though" should be "thought". I thought the ending would make the rest of this make sense, but it just screws it up more. You refer to her as your sister the whole time but you don't know her last name? I understand the concept of symbolism but something is definitely amiss here. This piece makes absolutely no sense. It's beautifully written in that style of yours...but absolutely nonsensical. Sounds like you just threw random big words together with some incestuous lines and boom. I'll bet you wrote this drunk or high, because usually your stuff retains some mysterious air to it but overall makes sense, whereas this one just dumbfounds me. Sorry, but I hate this piece. Love, Morgan
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


Xald	Oct 31 2006, 08:39 PM Post #6
Member Posts: 39 Group: Members Member #47 Joined: July 29, 2006	any sound? I only see the lyrics or something.... but I like what you made



ana	Nov 1 2006, 03:30 AM Post #7
eskizo Posts: 5,752 Group: Staff Member #27 Joined: June 29, 2006 Gender: Female Name: Ana Location: Madrid	unfortunately, i agree with most of what morgan said - except with the piece being beautifully written. i'm sorry to say this, but i really found it immature and kinda vulgar. dunno, i just can't find anythig about it that's worth reading such disturbing stuff - might be cos i'm used to better writing from you, synth, but this piece is rather disappointing. sorry if this is too blunt...
	I'M SPAINISH! *I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!*


Morgan	Nov 1 2006, 05:02 PM Post #8
Dinkin' flicka. Posts: 1,873 Group: Staff Member #2 Joined: June 28, 2006 Gender: Male Name: Morgan Location: Sarasota, FL Last.fm: rockon1824	By beautifully written I mean the flow and just the overall way he writes...nothing to do with the content.
	If If you If you could If you could only If you could only stop If you could only stop your If you could only stop your heart If you could only stop your heart beat If you could only stop your heart beat for If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.


ana	Nov 1 2006, 06:53 PM Post #9
eskizo Posts: 5,752 Group: Staff Member #27 Joined: June 29, 2006 Gender: Female Name: Ana Location: Madrid	yeah i know, but i can't find beauty in writing unless the content reaches a certain standard. personally i think that anyone with a dictionary could put together a bunch of big words, and finding a decent flow for them is just a small part in writing. dunno, unfortunately i just don't find this beautifully written...
	I'M SPAINISH! *I DOSENT SPLEL WEL!*


synth	Nov 1 2006, 10:51 PM Post #10
MT's ONLY JENNIFER Posts: 813 Group: Members Member #46 Joined: July 26, 2006	Thank you
	-Homosexual Jennifer.


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